All this idiocy

It’s getting hard for me to have any
Response to all this idiocy but violence

I just want to kill them
They don’t want to understand
They just want to go on and on
With their list of selfish demands

With their mindless repetition
With their distortions and lies
They are crazy and disturbing
They don’t care who or what or why

You can name any subject
And the manner of their approaches
Is as if you didn’t shine a light on them
Then there wouldn’t be any cockroaches

Honestly extermination’s a shout away
They are really smug for being brain dead
Clearer and clearer my first choice response feels
Like it should be to smash an ax right into their heads



Neils
3:48 pm
10/29/2005
*
transcribed this time
8:32 pm
10/29/2005

I would not desert you

I would not desert you
Or abandon you

But I would demand that you measure up
I would call you out to stand the wall
I would train you through the pain and rain
I would expect you to give it your all

I would never leave you out there
I would challenge you to your core
I would ask everything from you
And then ask for even a little more

But I would not steal from you
I would not betray your soul
But I would want you to press on
Through blazing heat or freezing cold

I’d want you to carry forth this heritage
This lineage that lies in honor and blood
I’d want you to know that fierce pride
That can crawl through the dirtiest mud

And still maintain that fire and desire
That will to drive on to succeed
Because the front will always be
The only place from which to lead

I’d want you to step up to the line
I’d want you to keep the pace
It takes to earn the privilege to learn
What it takes to burn with a savage grace



Neils
9:58 pm
10/28/2005
*
10:00 pm
10/28/2005

And then there it was

Blurred words and fragmented sentences
From an eighteen pack of beer
A search to sell a zippo lighter and
Tryin to get some chew from there to here

Talkin somewhere on Eisenhower road
First it was Lloyd and then maybe Art
Something about Diarrhea and then
An attitude about an asked re-start

Like making any sense of it at all
Wasn’t Erich the one who put me down
Who thought I was ripping off Art
Wasn’t he the one posing all jealous bitch clown

I got a half finished truck just sitting there
With probably the wrong timing gears
Meanwhile drunk is still going on
Like bleary eyed is going to make it all clear

I don’t need to be set up
By some Junkie Son strung out on Crack
And some pretend wanna be actin like
It’s just words that’s got a friends back

Then it’s knives and flash and anger
And the microwave oven smashed against the wall
And you you man still standing there
Putting out that arrogance pride and gall

Like what’s with asking you anything
How dare I be at all concerned
It’s only the future of another Vet
And if basic integrity’s direction got burned

Yeah that’s right I said get the fuck out
Get the fuck out in the middle of the night
And you can pick up your other shit later
If you can even manage to do that right

Pretend all you want you didn’t sell me out
Pretend all you want it’s no big deal
Pretend all you want that timing association
And intent don’t go into to making it real

Screw you and your pushin it off on me
You saw it building up in my heart and soul
You saw it take me to the edge
Where it’s dark deserted and cold

And

You could have given a damn
You could have gone slow and cared
But all that seemed to matter to you
Was what you got out of what we shared

Well Fuck you man I need a friend
But I don’t need one at any cost
I’m all for another man protecting himself
But not at the price of my guaranteed

Absolute final and degrading loss


Neils
2:41 am
10/28/2005